Every year for the last few years, my New Year’s resolution had something to do with getting on my mat and doing more yoga. I wanted to take better care of myself. I wanted to feel stronger and more comfortable in my own skin. After a while, it got annoying to think that I have this same resolution or goal to start my year, and at the end of the year, I don’t feel like I’ve done all that great of a job at meeting it.
This year rocked my stable little slow-moving boat. Hard. I had a terrible time transitioning back to work after maternity leave. All of my years of 8-hour-a-night sleep did not prepare me for the torture of newborn sleep deprivation.
Everything was off balance. Choppy sleep. Lack of focus (and awakeness!) at the office. Constant snacking – whatever was convenient and easy. Too exhausted to be kind, caring and a good listener to my husband. Shortened patience with my non-sleeping baby. It was more than the juggling act that parents have to manage. I couldn’t ever find my footing.
In tree pose, you move into the posture slowly. Ground into the standing leg. Find all four corners of the foot pressing into the earth. Once you shift all the weight into that leg, slowly lift the other one, placing the foot against the calf. Balance. Maybe bring the foot up to the inner thigh. Balance. Maybe put hands together at heart’s center. Balance. Maybe bring arms out to either side. Balance. Maybe bring them overhead. Balance. Maybe close the eyes. Balance. Breathe.
If I think of 2012 in terms of tree pose, I was barely getting my foot to the calf without toppling over. I was falling at every balance check and trying to chug on. My attempts at finding drishti were all blurred. I felt lost, overwhelmed and flustered the entire year.
My resolution going into 2013 is to find balance in my life. Sometimes, I will have to make sacrifices and compromises. I can’t give 100% of myself to every part of my life separately like I used to do. There’s no easy way to compartmentalize any more. I can’t turn off being a parent when I’m at work. Or turn off being a wife when I’m at home tending to our child. Most of all, I can’t keep turning off ME to accommodate all my other roles. I need to find my footing before I attempt anything else or I will stumble and fall over and over again.
It’s kind of amazing to me how much my yoga is a part of everything else I do whether it’s directly related to the practice or not. 🙂
What is your New Year’s resolution?