Three years ago, I wrote this post, wondering if everyone was trained to teach yoga. At the time, I had two feet still very firmly planted on the corporate ladder, rising in rank and pay grade. I was also fiercely clinging to security: steady paycheck, health insurance, knowing I was providing for my budding family. The idea of yoga teacher training had flitted and floated through my mind, but the call of the corporate world was too strong (and most days, it still has a firm mental hold on me). I pushed the idea to the side many times. I thought maybe it’d be something I would do in my late 40s as a second career and after I’ve maximized some top earning years. Also, there was still so much I needed to learn about my own practice.
Then, Bear Shark entered our lives. Parenting and working became exponentially harder. Not necessarily that juggling two kids was a lot harder than one. The kids aren’t the hard part. It’s everything else about being a parent in today’s world that is difficult. Kids don’t understand work travel demands. Kids don’t understand horrendous traffic that makes getting to daycare on time after a stressful day even more stressful. Kids don’t understand why mom or dad is still working on the computer at night and can’t read books for bedtime. Because none of these issues are theirs. These obstacles in parenting are omnipresent in today’s society. I was struggling internally with finding some semblance of balance between what I wanted from my work and what I wanted for my life.
WORK/LIFE BALANCE IS A LIE. There’s work. There’s life. There’s a lot of cross-over. And there’s a lot of sacrifice. It’s more like work/life prioritization with the acceptance that some things will fall to the bottom of the list. I was at the bottom of my own list.
A fork was placed in the road. It wasn’t a Y shaped fork. I’m not even sure it was a 4-pronged fork. It seemed more like a spork. I could continue in the same career and along the same road that I knew so well (the good and the bad). Or I could explore something related. Or something completely different. Or I could give up working altogether. (HAHAHAHA. No. I love my kids, but I’m not built to stay at home with them.)
And then the thought of yoga teacher training started surfacing again. And the need to earn maximum dollars at the sacrifice of my family and my stress levels started to fade to the back. There is something humbling about not letting my salary be attached to my self-worth. Not letting a title or an impressive resume be my identifier. I won’t lie and say that whatever new path I decide to take won’t be a blow to my ego because I’ll be a little bruised having to take a few steps back. But I also know that the path I’m creating is one I’m doing for me. I’ll likely scare the pants off of myself. Feel uncertain about my decisions. Question whether I should jump back on the crazy train I was on because at least I knew I could do it and could do it successfully. But then I wouldn’t feel like I was alive, that I was present and that I was growing.
I started the yoga teacher training program at Sukha Yoga this past weekend. To say this is a complete departure from my original career trajectory is an understatement. I haven’t decided if teaching as a full-time job will follow or if this is prepping me for that 2nd/3rd/4th career, but I’m giving myself room to explore and learn new skill sets. Friends have asked me over the years whether I would eventually teach yoga, and I needed to first figure out what my relationship with yoga was before I could entertain the thought of teaching it. In that post I wrote three years ago, it is exceptionally clear that I wasn’t ready then. Today, with the spork in the road STARING at me, I’m ready.
Over the next couple months, I’ll continue to share my experiences of going through teacher training and whatever concepts in yoga philosophy or the practice resonate with me. And then the exciting part will come when I beg for y’all to come be my guinea pigs as I put classes together! I’m excited and nervous about this new adventure I’m on, but after this first weekend, I already feel like I am EXACTLY where I need to be.