I can confidently say that there have been three distinct, life-changing, pants-scaring moments in my life that no amount of preparation or planning or bracing could ready me. I could research something until my eyes bugged out of my head, but reading or hearing about something is never the same as experiencing it.
1. San Francisco
The first was when I moved to San Francisco shortly after graduating college. I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have any friends. I only had my oldest sister, who was also going on a life journey by moving out west. Most of my fellow graduates were opting to stay in Texas, whether returning to their hometowns or sticking around Austin. The economy wasn’t great in 2003 with all the dot-bombs, and it was certainly a risk to move to an expensive city with not much to my name.
But I HAD to do it. My whole life had been predictable and safe and secure. I thank my parents for my upbringing, but it was time to kick myself out of the nest and put their work to the test. There were, of course, tears of homesickness and the reality of facing adulthood alone. I remember my cell phone service was terrible near my apartment, and I felt so isolated and out of touch with anything familiar.
It took a few months, but I found a job that kickstarted my career in advertising. I made friends at work and on the beach. I found my wings, and I flew.
2. Birth & Motherhood
The second moment was birth and being thrust into motherhood. It seems so obvious – duh, growing a life, delivering it and nurturing it are life changing. Anyone can see that from the outside. But to EXPERIENCE it. To face a no-going-back/only-going-through moment. To ponder whether you could ever really love someone more than you love your life partner and then feeling a FLOOD of ethereal love for the tiny human made of your own cells… Whoa. Nothing prepares you for that. I did not know I was capable of anything that is required of motherhood, but Mama T was hiding in there all along, waiting to emerge.
3. Becoming a yoga teacher
My third moment has been this journey toward becoming a yoga teacher. I kid you not. Maybe you’re wondering, how could this even compare to bringing in new life or that first step into adulthood? The best way I can explain it is that I’m starting over, and that’s pretty dang scary. I’m back at square one. I’m a freshman again. I’m that awkward new kid walking into the cafeteria, unsure where to sit. My resume suddenly looks… not as impressive.
The only thing that will make this transition easier is time (and 13 other people who are going through this with me). Time on the mat, and time in front of students. Time learning from my teachers and my fellow new teachers. Time to stop looking at what’s happened in the past and start being in the present.
When I wrote my first post about yoga teacher training back in May, I had no idea what to expect of the training itself. I’m glad to report that it was SO MUCH MORE than I could’ve dreamed of. What lies ahead after graduation? Well, I’m working hard to figure that out.
I hope by my sharing these pivotal moments in my life, I’m allowing the Universe to do what it will to give me courage. These have been my obstacles. And THIS is my path.